Days 120-124

Day 120: Saturday, February 25, 2012- My poor baby Walker is rooting like crazy and he's hungry and cranky. Since getting off of morphine, he's been showing signs of withdrawals. He sounds congested and cries, real tears too! Nothing will console him. Not even Lambie. I think he's caught on that Lambie doesn't give him food. I think I'm going to bring a NUK pacifier to change things up for him.

Walker is weighing in at 2,820 grams. That's 6 pounds 3 ounces. He's 48 centimeters which is almost 19 inches.

Day 121: Sunday, February 26, 2012- Walker started feeds today! Hooray! He's getting 7 cc. After all his feedings today, noon, three and six, he had no residuals! YAY! Hopefully he can keep it up!

Walker is weighing in at 2,840 grams. That's 6 pounds 4 ounces.


Day 122: Monday, February 27, 2012- So Walker's feedings didn't go as planned last night. He had a high amount of residuals at midnight and then at 9 am. Dr. Guillory, whom I haven't given enough praise this month to, is very cautious. She's an amazing doctor, so whatever she says we are fine with. Instead of getting 7 cc every 4 hours, Walker is now getting 1 cc continuous.

Feeds are hard; especially for preemies. It takes them some time to get used to food being in bellies that aren't ready and in Walker's case, his belly was messed up for so long that now it's like waking up before you are ready to. It all takes time and we know this. We don't feel defeated. Walker's neighbor went back and forth on feeds before moving to NICU 2, so we know our time in the NICU is coming to an end.

Walker continues to have poopy diapers with every diaper change, which, I don't have to tell you is such great news!

Walker is weighing in at 2,880 grams. He's up to 6 pounds 5.something ounces.

Day 123: Tuesday, February 28, 2012- Happy 4 month birthday, Walker!

What a wonderful monthday present! Walker is off of nasal cannula and is breathing on his own! YAY!

Today we tried a NUK pacifier and he likes it. It's okay; it's  not a soothie.  He also got a mirror for his crib and he LOVES it! Oh yeah, he's back in his crib!

Walker is weighing in at 2,875 grams. He's still 6 pounds and 5 ounces.


Day 124: Wednesday, February 29, 2012- Tonight we combed Walker's hair down. It didn't take long before it started to pop back up!

Walker is up in his weight to 2,925 grams. That's' 6 pounds 7 ounces! 

Days 115-119

Day 115: Monday, February 20, 2012- Walker's replogle was in too deep and I think it was reflecting his vent settings. He's getting so agitated and it's making me upset. It's hard to see him because I want to hold him and he wants me to hold him. R was scratching his back and he was loving it. Started flailing would he would stop.

Everything with Walker has stayed the same today. No changes.

Dr. Naik came by to look at his incision. It's not coming back as positive on the blood culture so that's a relief, right now. She did do a rectal exam and Walker was NOT happy. She made a comment about him not pooping yet and it has upset me. I'm ready for him to poop just like the person standing next to me, but it will come when it's supposed to come. Walker just needs more time than the average baby.

I was really happy that R took Wednesday and Thursday off and that today was a holiday. Walker and I got some much needed time with him. I can't wait until Walker comes home and it's just the three us for a whole week! 

Walker is weighing in at 2,930 grams. That's 6 pounds 7 ounces. Let's pray for poop and pee for Walkie! He needs some relief.

Walker's incision and makeshift belly button.

Day 116: Tuesday, February 21, 2012- Today they were able to lower Walker's vent settings. His rate is down to 30 and then went down again to 24 and he is on room air! THANK GOD!

Walker is weighing in at 2, 860 grams. 6 pounds and 5 ounces. He's losing a little at a time.


Day 117: Wednesday, February 22, 2012- Walker was extubated today! YAY! He is so much happier! And we get to hold him again. He loves it!

When Walker loves something, he puts both of his hands in the air by his head and has his hands opened and his eyes get wide and he doesn't move. Almost trance like.

He was also taken off the antibiotics and his morphine was lowered again. So he is awake more.

Walker is weighing in a 2,865 grams. 6 pounds 5.1 ounces.

"Thank you for taking that horrible breathing tube out!"

"Mommy, find my Lambie, NOW"

"Is that Lambie?"

"Nobody touch Lambie, and you won't get hurt!"

Day 118: Thursday, February 23, 2012- Since R is tearing out the carpets this weekend, I have to take the day off and begin picking things off the floor and moving furniture around. It's about team work, right?

Anyways, I just got off the phone with Walker's nurse and last night and then again today, he's had like this mucous-y, smelly stuff in his diaper. His nurse today is considering it a stool because, well, anything other than pee she would consider stool. She's going to talk with the doctors when they make rounds. I'm really hoping they consider it stool and we can start feeds!

Walker did poop! The doctors are saying that they want to hear better bowel sounds before starting feeds, but still, he POOPED!

3 poopy diapers for this baby today! And they discontinued the antibiotics.

Walker is weighing 2,810 grams. That's 6 pounds 3 ounces. 


Day 119: Friday, February 24, 2012-  Happy 17 week birthday, Walker! Adjusted age: 2 weeks old.

Today they discontinued the morphine and will only give it if Walker is showing signs of discomfort. His replogle is on gravity, which means that instead of a intermittent suction, they let it pass through his body. Yesterday, he was 4 hours gravity, 1 hour on suction. Today he is on 8 hours gravity and 1 hour suction. They do this so they aren't suctioning out all the stomach stuff and letting his body pass it instead. So more poopy diapers!

With it being the weekend, they never start anything new because the doctors and surgeons that know Walker won't be on if anything goes wrong. God forbid! So they'll continue with the gravity suction and try to extend it some more and then sometime next week, if everything goes okay this weekend, we'll start feeds.

We showed up and Walker was sleeping with his arms and legs in the arm. We stayed back and took some pictures! It was TOO cute!

"I know you got something I want in there, Mommy"

"Fine, whatever, I give up!"

Walker is weighing in at 2,815 grams. That's 6 pounds 3 ounces.

Walker Stalker Cookers take 2!

Here we are with our second drop off!

Lord have mercy! Look at all the yumminess! Where will we start?

 This week we were spoiled. We have: K's concoction of chicken, dried beef, bacon, potatoes, Lay's potato chips, cheese, SO FREAKING GOOD! Smothered pork chops; taco bake; broccoli, rice, cheese and chicken casserole; meat loaf; macaroni and cheese; C's mother-in-law's recipe, chicken enchiladas, spaghetti and Texas Toast; stuffed shells and cheese and cookies.


And this sweet girl who is bigger than this now,

Picked out this onesie for Walker, all by herself!

Days 110-114

Day 110: Wednesday, February 15, 2012- Surgery day! Walker was so sleepy today, like, he wouldn't open an eye. Very un-Walker like. He finally started to wake up when they were taking him back and I felt so bad for my little bird.

Please excuse me. I didn't sleep the night before and was very tired, strung out, flustered and nervous.

"Kiss my feet, please"

"I'm 18 inches long!"

 Of course Walker got bumped for an emergency surgery and he didn't go back until 5ish.

"What's everyone doing around my bed?"

"Okay, I'm ready to be picked up!

"We're going for a ride? COOL!"

"Bye Mommy and Daddy!"

 Surgery started at 5:27 p.m. and I got a call at 8:46 from Nurse Michelle saying that surgery was looking for me. Scared the crap out of me! They were finished with the surgery and wanted to know where to update us.

When a patient comes back to surgery, it's amazing all the team work that goes into play. Nurses get in contact precaution-wear and just start getting the patient comfortable; without asking if the nurse needs help. There are tons of people that come and make sure the patient is comfortable and that everything is going smoothly and to assess the patient.

 Dr. Jen Arnold was the on call doctor last night. Yes, the cameras were there and it's annoying. She travels with like 10 people and a camera with BRIGHT lights. Thankfully, when we were talking about Walker cameras weren't there.  As much as you say you would love to be on TV, you don't want a sensitive time like that to be shown.

Walker came out looking fantastic, especially since the last time I could barely look at him.  He is intubated because stomach surgery is pretty painful and he's on different pain meds. Pain meds make your respiratory system slow down so the intubation is for his comfort. And whatever that boy wants, Mommy will DEMAND he gets.

Day 111: Thursday, February 16, 2012-Walker is looking good today. His oxygen levels are between 21-25 % oxygen; which is room air. His morphine was switched from 3 to 4 hours a part. He is swollen but he still looks good! He started to stir around and open his eyes when he heard our voices.

Nurse Cory is taking very good care of him. Nurse Courtney rearranged her schedule to be with him yesterday and won't be back until next week. Nurse Cory came to see Walker on Sunday and said she would pray for him and in which, I said, "If Courtney isn't here, PLEASE get Walker". There's this one nurse on the row and I don't like her. She's....not nice. Yesterday, when Walker was walking out the doors we passed Cory and she said that she would try really hard to get him and she DID!

Today I came back from the milk bank and found out we had a little gift left for us. It is from Emma's Hugs (www.emmahugs.com). The left a little note about their charity and on the back we were given a parking token with $115 already applied. I had chills and tears were brought to my eyes. We've have come across amazing people on this journey. We could NEVER say thank you enough or show our gratitude for everything that all of you have done for us.

We just pay it forward any way we can and thank God for each of you!

Day 112: Friday, February 17, 2012- Happy 16 week birthday, Walker! Walker's corrected age is 7 days old.

What a way to start his weekly birthday. Walker had his PICC line removed from his right arm because it had slipped out of place, which, what the hell, that is so hard to do; and is now being replaced somewhere else. He's also having his breathing tube replaced.
UPDATE: the reason the PICC line had moved was because Walker has grown so much!

The fellow forgot to mention to R that last night Walker was put on dopamine for his blood pressure. She's great but she has this issue with control. She's always on the phone or fast pace walking somewhere. She's called me at 2 in the morning before to let me know that they had stopped feedings. So when I questioned why she hadn't told us, she said that there was no reason to call and freak us out in the middle of the night. Well, I'm not a happy Momma when I show up and learn that something has been started that I have no clue about.

His nurse, Bridget, sucked today. I don't like her and R told me I couldn't tell the nurse manager that she could NEVER work with my child again. He's so uptight. She told us when we arrived, "He's been keeping us busy all day". Um, excuse me? Aren't you getting paid for this? If you hate your job so much, move on. If she's there tomorrow, R will just have to be mad at me because I can't stand her.

I've decided to not take pictures of Walker until his swelling has gone down. Walker is in a ton of pain and it's not fair to him to have pictures taken of this painful time.

He is still very sweet and tries to open his eyes and move when he hears Momma and Daddy. He tries to lift his foot so Daddy can kiss his toes, but it's evident it hurts him. And that hurts us. We keep reminding ourselves that this time will past in a couple of days he'll be back to our sweet, funny, loving Walkies.

The actually weighed Walker tonight and he weighed 2,865 grams. That's 6 pounds 5 ounces. Poor baby. He has gained an entire pound of fluids and you can tell is uncomfortable. 

Day 113: Saturday, February 18, 2012- Walker is down on  his vent pressures,  his oxygen levels are low at anywhere between 22-25%. Today they were able to lower his dopamine, blood pressure medicine. They have also lowered his morphine dosage. Hopefully in a couple of days he will be off the vent.

Since they lowered the morphine, Walker has been more active and awake. It's great to see him but it's hard seeing your baby in pain. We can't really talk to him or touch him because he knows us and knows that we should be holding him. It's very sad. I just keep telling myself only a couple more days, just a couple more days.

Today, Walker's stomach around his incision has begun to look red. For precautionary reasons, he was started on two antibiotics. Better safe than sorry!

Tonight Walker is weighing in at 2,825 grams. He's 10 grams away from 6 pounds 4 ounces. They gave him a round of lasix that will help relieve some of the fluids.


Day 114: Sunday, February 19, 2012- Walker is completely off of dopamine! YAY! His morphine was dropped again and will most likely be dropped again tomorrow. His incision area is looking better today. Supposedly, the surgeons were picking and pushing and doing a number on his tummy. He didn't like that.

Walker is weighing 2,950 grams. That's 6 pounds 8 ounces. His 47.2 centimeters.

Missing you

Missing someone is not about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time you've talked. It's about that very moment when you're doing something and wishing they were right there with you.

My brother passed away 2 years ago. I still remember everything...Everything.

At the time, my sister and I were talking about why God decided to take Nic from us. She brought up the idea that God needed him for something. Or that something was going to happen that Nic wouldn't be able to deal with. Since seeing my brother the day I gave birth, I think it was Walker.

I feel my brother around me all the time. When things are rough with Walker, I feel him around me. One time I even told him, "Go! Go be with Walker, he needs you. I can take care of myself". And then I didn't feel him anymore.

I'm not sure how my brother would have taken everything that is going on with Walker. I know he would have loved him, but he would've been very scared.

Today, Walker is having surgery and I told him that his Uncle Nici would be there with him and take all the pain away and comfort him. And I got misty eyed because I knew my brother was there in that moment.

I miss my brother every day; a little more than the day before.

Days 105-109

Day 105: Friday, February 10, 2012- Happy 15 week birthday, Walker! Today was your due date and while I'm filled with weird emotions, I'm more concerned about surgery next week.

"Swaddle that baby!"

"Would the 40 week baby, please raise their hand?"

Walker went to have an upper GI to see if there any more obstructions and instead they gave him an enema. Every thing looks good for now. This was a prep for surgery on Wednesday.

We were also there to see the exercises that the OT does with Walker to help with his sucking. 

Nurse Courtney bought Walker this cute dino outfit!

Walker is weighing in at 2,275 grams. 5 pounder! Nurse Leslie said he is like the size of a bag of sugar! She is SO sweet! She gets teary eyed when she sees how well he's doing.

Day 106: Saturday, February 11, 2012- Walker weighed in at 2,295 grams. That's 5 pounds 1 ounce.

"DOH!"

"I'm dressed, someone pick me up now"

"Look how long I am!"

Day 107: Sunday, February 12, 2012- Walker is weighing 2,295; 5 pounds 1 ounce. He is 47.5 centimeters, 18 inches long!

Day 108: Monday, February 13, 2012- Walker is weighing in at 2,345 grams. He's in between 5 pounds 1 ounce and 2 ounces-3 ounces.

"Look at me! I'm in a vibrating chair!"

"Oh yeah, I'm comfortable!"

"Where's Lambie?"

"Here he is!"

Day 109: Tuesday, February 14, 2012- Happy Valentine's Day! Walker is weighing in at 2,410! That's 5 pounds 5 ounces!