Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Days 155-159

Day 155: Saturday, March 31, 2012- Such a good day for Walker. He is off of TPN!! YAY! He still has the PICC line because he's only on day 15 of his antibiotic and it has a high risk of infiltrating so the PICC line is the best bet. They are letting his bags empty out because when you have a PICC line, you have to have something going through it. Or something like that. He is up to 64cc which is a little over 2 ounces!

I really wanted Walker to take a picture with the Easter bunny and since I couldn't justify purchasing a costume for R to wear, I improvised. I found these string of Easter egg lights in the dollar section at Target and they were the best buy. I had bought the outfit from Carter's a while back. Walker was in the perfect mood and I think his pictures turned out great! And I'm well aware that Easter isn't until the 8th.
"What are you doing Momma?"

Look at that innocent chubby face!

"Okay, really, what are you doing to me?"

"I love you Mommy"

Walker is weighing in at 3,935 grams. That's 8 pounds 10 ounces. His head circumference is 40 centimeters.

Day 156: Sunday, April 1, 2012- Walker took 2 full bottles today! YAY!

When we arrived to Walker's room today, we found this sweet gift.

 They were SUPER yummy and SUPER sweet! Thank you M! We loved them!

Tonight Walker is weighing 3,880 grams. That's 8 pounds 9 ounces. Sometimes some nurses only use the first weight the scale gives them, others use the number that is the same out of three times. This nurse is lazy. He is also 52 centimeters which is 20 and a half inches

Day 157: Monday, April 2, 2012- Walker took 5 bottles today. 9, 12, 3, 6 and 9. Full bottles. He is off of nasal cannula. The nurse practitioner stopped by to see him and saw Walker holding his feeding tube in his hand in the air. He's a tattle tale :). So she decided to try and see how he would do by bottle feeds.

Walker is weighing in at 3,930 grams. That's 8 pounds 10 ounces.

Day 158: Tuesday, April 3, 2012- We are so excited! They are talking discharge! Like in a couple days! This weekend! We have to bring the car seat for car seat education and get CPR certified, well me, R already is through his job. I can't believe it!

Day 159: Wednesday, April 4, 2012- Lines got crossed and Walker's doctor this month meant for us to get "mentally" ready. I fought with him when he said that his eye exam next week was holding him back and when his eye doctor said "take him home!", I thought I won. I went home to have my brother in law install the base and take my car seat for car seat education only to find Walker's doctor waiting for us. He wanted us to "mentally" get ready. He didn't set a date but that it was time to start talking about discharge. There is no particular date that he can give me or range when Walker will be home.

I can't even begin to tell you the pain we feel right now. We can only express it through crying. Crying because it's been 159 days, 5 and half months of hospital time. We finally got a taste of this journey coming to an end only to find out that no one knows when we'll leave.

The biggest insult the doctor gave me today was saying, "I know you must be upset". That is the biggest insult you can give a preemie parent. Even preemie parents can't use that excuse to one another. Until your child has had sepsis TWICE and meningitis, you can't even begin to imagine what we go through emotionally, mentally and physically. You think we're upset? We're crushed. The nurse practitioner on duty today (not Walker's regular) chimed in and said, "Well some of us do", meaning she had a preemie. I snapped my head towards her and said, "Then you know every preemie is different". First, she had no reason to speak up. Secondly, it was the most inappropriate time to suggest that we have some kind of kinship.

I'm taking a few days off from the hospital to get myself together. This Sunday will be another one of Walker's first holidays to spend in the hospital. He's my child and I love him more than anything on this earth, but it hurts too bad right now. That blow brought me to a low I didn't know I could go down to.