Yesterday, January 31st, marked our two year anniversary! Really? It's been two years?! Wow! Time has flown by. Nobody knew but we trying then (in our wedding picture) to have a baby.
Trying has been extremely hard on myself. Every month when my cycle would disappear I would get a pregnancy test and it would always come back a BIG FAT NEGATIVE! I keep pregnancy tests stocked in our cabinet like people keep condiments in their refrigerator.
Our troubles go all the back to 2007. That's when we noticed something was not right. All the sudden my cycles disappeared. A month went by, then two and then three. I clearly remember my doctor's appointment was on February 14th, Valentine's Day. When my appointment came, they whisked me right into the ultrasound room to see what was going on with my body. The ultrasound showed that my "woman" parts were messed up. My ovaries had cysts and weren't ovulating correctly and my uterus lining was thinning. Dr. Milner ordered blood work immediately. Like the amazing doctor he is, he clearly explained what was going on. He thought that my body was showing the beginning stages of pre-menopause. I was distraught. The room was spinning. I couldn't remember anything from the appointment just the word "pre-menopausal". I called my Mom crying and she had to the office to figure everything out. What a fabulous Valentine's celebration for us!
When the test results came in I remember R and I sitting on the couch in our apartment, holding hands. This one phone call was our whole future. Dr. Milner had said he would call good or bad. Thankfully it was good news! My levels were not those of a pre-menopausal woman! YAY! Before we ended the conversation he told me that if we ever wanted to have children then we needed to get started within the next few years. You know the old saying, "My biological clock is ticking", well mine really was!
A lot of people don't understand and we get it, kind of. I mean they don't know how bad R and I both want children. They don't understand what we've gone through to get us to the point where we are now. To those people I will say this: It isn't about you. I hate, hate, hate when people say, "Oh, y'all are still so young", "What about a job?". GET ON WITH THE GET ON PEOPLE! First of all, I'm clearly not that young. I'm 26 and my body is just getting older. This has nothing to do with my health either. There is nothing that I can do to fix my body, trust me I've asked! Another thing, who ever said that I was going to school to get a job or a career? That's mine and R's decision! Right now that's the plan but I don't need anyone giving me advice about my life. People are so concerned with other people's lives.
That being said, is one of the reasons this blog is private for the time being. I don't need other people's opinions. I don't need the negativity. Another reason for this blog's privacy is because if it doesn't work the first time, I don't want all the "I'm sorry" or the "It'll happen when the time is right". Those aren't positive or encouraging. If it sucks then say "That sucks".
A new baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.
Eda J. Le Shan
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