"It's not me, it's YOU!"

I broke up with my most recent OB today. Ugh. I'm still so annoyed with him. From the beginning I have had horrible patient care from him.

- The first time, he completely forgot our plan and tried to do something else. No big deal, he's busy.
- The second time, it took him two weeks to call me back after a blood test that would lead me to be diagnosed with PCOS.
- The third time, he took 3 weeks to call me back and discuss my ultrasound results. 3 weeks!
- The fourth, and most recent, he took 11 days to call me, oh wait, HE HASN'T CALLED ME BACK YET! I took my progesterone blood test on March 17 and after 11 days of harassing his nurse, she finally told me my results on an email. I'm currently STILL waiting for a phone call.
(Speaking of my results...Anything over a 2 indicates ovulation. I was at a .5. I'm so far from ovulation, it ain't even funny)
Can you even imagine if I was pregnant and waiting for my beta results? Ridiculous.

When it comes to OB's, I'm pretty lenient. I understand that women have emergencies, women go into spontaneous labor, premature labor, and that my "silly" little blood tests and trying to get a plan of action are not first priority. I give my doctor a very lenient 7 days to get back to me. After that I start calling his nurse and emailing her. I want my damn results. I almost feel like the 7 days gives him too much time to do other things, which pushes me back to long list of other important things.

Last night I wrote my "breakup" letter to his nurse. Because she handles all his stuff. Honestly, she has been an angel. I scheduled my family planning consult with a new OB and surprisingly they can get me in really fast. Previous OB took 2 months before I could get a consult. New OB could've gotten me in next week but I was busy on that day so I'll go at the end of the month. I also switched from a male to a female. I'm hoping the new OB is the one. On her bio she blatantly says that she takes the "the patient is the boss" stance. I know everything about my body. It's my body and I'm very in tuned with it. So, everyone cross their fingers that she and I are meant to be and I won't have to break up with yet another OB.

I didn't switch doctors because I haven't conceived since using my previous OB. The fact that I am not made a priority and honestly, I don't even feel like I was being taken seriously. Who was working from whom there? I was doing all the calling, I was asking for all the answers, I was giving all the suggestions on what to do next. It was irritating and it was stressful. If he is so busy, he needs to allow his nurse to handle all of those manners and pass them along to his patients.

And that's where we are now. 

Moving on...

We are wrapping up our fourth medicated cycle with no outstanding news to report. It seems as though 4 rounds of Clomid have done absolutely nothing to help stimulate my body and it's time to move on. I say that with a heavy heart but with a clear mind frame.

I've been on hormones since late August and wrapped up Clomid in early March. My body has swelled up, gone down, bloated back up, and gone down. My attitude towards the ones I love has been horrible at times and I've hit my lowest of lows. It's just my time to hang it all up, for the time being. R and I had already discussed if this cycle wasn't successful that we would stop and get through the summer. Then I thought about how I'm turning 30 and it's a monumental milestone in my life and decided to possibly wait until the new year to start back up.

I am so heartbroken that we haven't been successful in our tries but I need this break for my sanity. I can't take peeing on ovulation strips, getting so upset to see that it is negative, waking up at 3:15 every morning to take my BBT (body basal temperature), seeing that it's not following an ovulation pattern and getting angry and trying to fall back asleep, and on cycle day 20 I'm filled with horrible emotions and feelings knowing ovulation is out the window. God, for any of you who have gotten pregnant by "accident", you freaking suck.

I am a persistent and determined person, but I'm also realistic. Even though I do feel like I am giving up a little bit, I know that my body needs a rest and needs to recharge. I'm waiting for the blood results from my progesterone check to come back from my doctor, which will come back as standard and show no ovulation, and to hear what he would do next.

I am so sad but having a plan in place to keep me focused on something to look forward to, (celebrating turning 30). Also, did I mention that I'm also planning a Walt Disney World trip for the family? Yeah, so I'll be distracted from the lingering ache in heart to have another baby.