Monday, March 24, 2014

Moving on...

We are wrapping up our fourth medicated cycle with no outstanding news to report. It seems as though 4 rounds of Clomid have done absolutely nothing to help stimulate my body and it's time to move on. I say that with a heavy heart but with a clear mind frame.

I've been on hormones since late August and wrapped up Clomid in early March. My body has swelled up, gone down, bloated back up, and gone down. My attitude towards the ones I love has been horrible at times and I've hit my lowest of lows. It's just my time to hang it all up, for the time being. R and I had already discussed if this cycle wasn't successful that we would stop and get through the summer. Then I thought about how I'm turning 30 and it's a monumental milestone in my life and decided to possibly wait until the new year to start back up.

I am so heartbroken that we haven't been successful in our tries but I need this break for my sanity. I can't take peeing on ovulation strips, getting so upset to see that it is negative, waking up at 3:15 every morning to take my BBT (body basal temperature), seeing that it's not following an ovulation pattern and getting angry and trying to fall back asleep, and on cycle day 20 I'm filled with horrible emotions and feelings knowing ovulation is out the window. God, for any of you who have gotten pregnant by "accident", you freaking suck.

I am a persistent and determined person, but I'm also realistic. Even though I do feel like I am giving up a little bit, I know that my body needs a rest and needs to recharge. I'm waiting for the blood results from my progesterone check to come back from my doctor, which will come back as standard and show no ovulation, and to hear what he would do next.

I am so sad but having a plan in place to keep me focused on something to look forward to, (celebrating turning 30). Also, did I mention that I'm also planning a Walt Disney World trip for the family? Yeah, so I'll be distracted from the lingering ache in heart to have another baby. 

1 comment:

Jacob and Kimberly Palmer said...

Haley, I’m so sorry. This sucks. I wish it wasn’t so freakin’ hard for the people that are so ready for babies to have them. I hope your break is good for you <3 Love you.