I quit my job today...

That's right. I quit. You see that sweet boy in that picture? He needs me home with him. So I quit. I'm finishing out the semester but I will not be going back in January.

It was a tough decision. Of all the doubts that I had when I first started, thinking I couldn't do this because of the stress, I could. But Walker needs me and that is that.

Walker had two bouts of pneumonia almost back to back. He's never once had a fever before and had more in those months than in his entire life. It is scary having a sick child. Fevers are scary.

My decision to leave was a hard one to make. I love the school. I love the teachers. I love those dang kids, so much. I cried, my team cried, and then I felt relieved. It was some heavy stuff on my chest and once it was off, I felt free!

Walker lost 3 pounds in 2 months. 

Walker's schedule has increased and it seems to be increasing. My mother has no problem taking on the more rigorous schedule and taking him to doctor's visit, but that isn't her job. You see, Walker has this bulge in between his stomach muscles that needs medical attention. R has used up all his vacation and personal/family sick days, so it would be up to my mother to take him to appointments. Like I said, that's what I should be doing.

I never took the job for the financial benefit. I took the job because I needed to do something for myself. Moms out there know the feeling of losing your identity. You become a mom and at first you are so busy with a newborn and toddler that you could never imagine having a full time job. Then they grow up to become older toddlers and are so independent that you almost think, "why am I home?". That was me. I was looking to fulfill my dream of being teacher. For a weeks it was fantastic, then Walker started getting sick and needing to see the doctor almost every week, and it become too much for me. I really started to rethink the idea of me working. R was supportive because he felt the same way.

I just can't wait to get my little guy feeling better and on the road to healthiness. 

Happy 3rd Birthday, Walker

Walker,

I love you. I love every thing about you. I love how much you love your family. I love that you know exactly what you want and you will not stop until you have it. You are such a little fireball and you light up my life! You are you and I love that about you. You are so smart. You are so loving. You are a great dancer. You have a kind heart. You are just now making your mark and spreading love every where you go. You are what my heart is made of, walking around this earth, sprinkling little parts of yourself for everyone to see. You make me proud every day. Never ever stop being you. Because you are wonderful.

Love,
Mommy

The three year mark in preemie world is a huge deal. This is when they start adjusting age and studies have shown that this is where they typically catch up to their peers.

We have been so incredibly blessed that Walker is not too far behind his peers. He only needs one therapy, speech, one time a week. We have worked with him so hard to keep him learning and trucking along. He's a short, little tank, but he's always in the percentiles.

I have to say that this age is so much fun. I imagine that it keeps getting better every year. Walker is learning, talking up a storm, and taking new adventures. We are so lucky he is ours!

Dr. Premkumar

I love that he still checks up on Walker. 

Easter 2013

Flashback

That was us last year celebrating our LAST holiday in the NICU.

We had a great time celebrating Easter this year with our family. We had an Easter egg hunt and a great lunch. The Easter bunny made two stops and Walker was more than happy.

Who is this big boy?

We headed over to my parent's house for a nice lunch and time to celebrate with our family.

Our Easter family photo

Antu family photo 

Moreno's with the grandkids/nephews/niece.

Sisters are the best!

Walker checking out all his beach toys!

Taste good!

Confetti eggs were a big hit! Thanks Uncle Paul!

Walker found an egg!

He was so happy about his one egg he found that he stopped searching. Don't worry, Momma was on the hunt for W's eggs. 

Oh yeah! We got Dad!

Counting his eggs

You are SO cute, Walker!

Mmmm, smells like money!

Catch!

Walker gave up his bunny mask to his cousin Isabella. 

 We decided to recreate last year's Easter picture and Walker was mesmerized with the egg lights. Those egg lights were the best $1 find in the Target bins last year. Love those lights!

 And now I give you the comparison of what a difference a year makes! Viola!

We hope you had a very Happy Hoppy Easter!

Reflecting

I have to stop today and write. I have to write it out to the world so that you all know how grateful we are to you. Walker's March of Dimes team has raised close to $700 in the very short days we have been campaigning. Our hearts are so full that people have taken the time to donate to such a great organization that helps prematurity.

Before getting pregnant I thought pregnancy would be easy. I would grow this big ol' belly and I would have this everlasting glow and I would feel the best that I have ever felt. I was completely wrong. My belly barely got the chance to grow, my glow was just starting, but I did feel the best that I had ever felt. I had great prenatal care. My doctor was great. I did every thing that I was supposed to. I even prepared myself for being 42 weeks pregnant, happily.  I followed all the rules. Unfortunately, that doesn't guarantee a full term pregnancy.

Having Walker as a micropreemie changed our lives. It changed anyone and everyone that knew me or knew Walker's story. This teeny tiny baby only weighing 1 pound 14 ounces was stronger than anyone could possibly imagine him to be. He taught me what the real meaning of having patience meant. He taught me how to stand still in the storm. He taught me what really matters. He lit a flame to my desire to be closer to God. He taught me the true meaning of "Let go and let God". I was no longer in control. It did not matter that I had followed all the rules that were laid out for me. This was Walker's battle that he had to win. I was simply his biggest cheerleader.

If there was anything that I could have done to prevent my early bird from coming, I would have tried it. We tried every thing to prevent him from coming at a mere 25 weeks. I was laying in a hospital bed hooked up to magnesium and flaming hot. I had shots administered left and right it seemed. I was laying in the bed with my feet above my head. I even went against my wishes of having an epidural only because they said it could delay labor. Any hour or second Walker waited was best for him.  We tried it all, but it was necessary for Walker to make his debut when he did.

We were lucky and we had a great support system. R and I both have huge families that rallied around us in our time of need. Our friends were always asking what they could do. My February Mom's were always there to listen. They wanted updates on Walker, and always were offering their hugs, prayers, thoughts, and sent many cards to us. Readers that I have never met left messages for us. Walker was on many prayer lists around the world. There was never a time where we didn't feel love.

So thank you. Thank you for all that you have done for us. For making us feel loved and supported through those grueling 6 months in the hospital and also for the wonderful almost one year mark that Walker has been home. You mean the world to us!


To donate to Walker's MOD team, please click  here. 

Happy Valentine's Day

Walker is super loved and he had many gifts to show for it on this Valentine's Day. I can't believe that he was still in the hospital anticipating his surgery tomorrow, a year ago. Time has really flown by.

2-14-2012

"There's nothing to see here. Just a little something from Uncle P"

I dropped Walker off at Nana's house for some comfort time. I went to my friend Christie's house for some girl time and to make these amazing sugar cookies. I'm serious, they are to die for!  Uncle Paul bought Walker his very own Valentine's heart with a dog on it and a heart shaped M&M's. He then cooked Walker a Valentine's lunch.

After slaving away at  baking cookies I went to pick Walker up and brought him home to find a card from his favorite Twinsies from Colorado!

"And she writes: Give me candy and all the cookies and lots of love. The end". It kind of looks like he is reading, right?

"This is personal, Momma"

"this.is.for.my.eyes.only"

"Look how cute that puppy is!"

He loves his girls Quinny and Audrey. Walker and I also got a card from our mom's group Valentine Elfster, Katy and Harper from New Jersey. I had to throw the card away because Walker was obsessed with the glitter. He was licking it off. You can see where the problem was. Thanks Katy and Harper!

R and I have this tradition that started back in, I don't know, 2006? We tried to go out for Valentine's to a nice restaurant and the crowd was horrendous, so we went to Fuddrucker's. We started going every year and eventually my family started celebrating with us. I think people are starting to catch on to our tradition. Fuddrucker's had a lot of people in there tonight.

He was stuffed! 

Walker enjoyed his first Valentine's Day at Fuddrucker's. He was stuffed and ready for bed.

I do have to give major props to my husband for again showering me with my favorite, Godiva chocolate covered strawberries. He goes out of his way from work to do this for me and I am very thankful for it. He had candy and two cards waiting for him this morning.
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February 14 is a sad day for our family. Our last time as a family to celebrate the holiday was in 2010. This day is always filled with sadness in our hearts and minds. Today marks the last day I would hear or see my brother. He would pass away in the early hours on the 15th. We miss you, Nic. Every day. Every minute. Every second. You were loved more than you could have ever imagined.

Speech Therapy Eval

We had Walker's speech evaluation today and it went pretty well. He does not qualify for speech therapy at the moment but they are going to keep him in case management and come back out in three months. The therapist today was really annoying. She was a grandmother herself and was very frustrating for me.

"His legs are cold, Momma. His arms are cold, Momma. You better not let him get the flu now, Momma. He needs to have shoes on to practice walking in. Does he own a pair of shoes? He feels warm now, Momma. Are these slippery socks? Do they have grips on the bottom? Does he chew his food? How? Up and down? Like us? (I started feeding Walker his snack) What are you feeding him? What are those? He doesn't get ANY services? Why not? You're a stay at home mom? Who lives here besides you two? What's NEC? He's shortgut?!! He has a flat spot right here, have you been talked to about a helmet? Yes, we decided not to. Okay, I'll put it down as it's still up for discussion."

It was just on and on with the questions and trying to parent me. I'm a good mom and I know when my child is hot, cold, hungry, tired, sad and happy. When she left it was such a relief to just have her out of the house. Walker took a three hour nap, which NEVER happens. I think he was over stimulated with that one.

Walker is excelling most statistics of what he should. He's doing wonderfully. Leave it at that, lady. When a problem arises, we'll go back to the drawing board. She was so eager to have him receive some type of service.

We were so happy when R came home to brighten our moods.

Look at that face! That face makes my whole life better. 

Synagis Shot

Oh my, my, my. Walker was approved for his synagis shot and we had his appointment. Poor baby. He never, ever cries when he gets shots. Ever. He cried and cried and cried and then cried some more. We felt terrible for him. He was off all day long.

The good news is that he is weighing in at 20 pounds 3 ounces! BIG OL' BOY!

World Prematurity Day

Today we wear purple to spread awareness for prematurity around the world. On one of the preemie Facebook pages they had pictures of different cities around the world who lit bridges or monuments purple to support this day. 

Walker will forever be a preemie. He may be a former preemie but we will always show our support. Look at how far we have come and what great knowledge we have to share to other countries about prematurity. That is just another reason why I love living in the US of A!

Here are some of our family friends who participated with us:

One tiny...
25 weeks 1lb 14 oz
Always strong...

"What do you mean I was tiny?"

"Do you still think I'm tiny?"

Cousin Izzy showing her support for Baby Walkie .

Beautiful Cam showing her support for her preemie friends!

Aunt Julie of course showed her support for her favorite brother's little boy.

Preemie Guilt

I have been suffering from some extreme preemie guilt. Last year was Walker's 1st Christmas and he was very sick. Walker was sick for all his first holidays, actually. I have this inner desire to make sure that I make this holiday season the very best for him. So much so that I have told family I want to get Walker a Christmas outfit for every day leading up to Christmas.

No one gets it. And that's okay. I am doing it for myself, I know. But I never want him to ask why he never had a cute "My 1st Christmas" outfit or special momentum. When I think about last year I feel physically ill. It was such a hard time for us. I feel like I didn't do anything special for him. I really wanted to paint his hand and put it on an ornament but he was fragile and we were scared.

I know to must that this doesn't make sense and I'm talking crazy, but for as long as I live I will make every holiday the best that I can for Walker. 

We've Gone PURPLE!

It's Prematurity Awareness Month! Making Emery's has gone PURPLE! It is our job to spread the awareness of premature babies. It is SO much more than a baby being born early.

We have our own day, November 17th! Spread the news! Spread Walker's story. These babies are nothing short of miracles and the doctors and nurses are the heroes in our stories. Along with God of course. And all you who have prayed. 

You Say It's Your Birthday...

Well, it's Nana's too! Yes, Walker shares a birthday with his Nana. Double the celebration!

What a difference a year makes! 

Birthday Twins!

Our birthday boy enjoying the beautiful weather!

 We fired up the cotton candy machine and enjoyed some more before we have to return it.

"It's sticky!"

Deep in thought about how much he loves cotton candy 

"Fluffy!"

The mustache cups from the party. They were SO cute!